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How to Get Aroused Without Porn

In this training, you’ill learn why porn literally reshapes our brain so that we become numb to most sensations in our body…including the sensations we experience when we have sex with an actual woman.

This results in us needing more and more stimulating porn and leaves us with less and less pleasure.  In this video, I will explain how this happens and how you one simple “tweak” to your self-stimulation routine can restore your brain to receive normal and even heightened sexual pleasure.

Read below:

Question:

You mention that when you give your self pleasure you should not think of women , just be present, and enjoy your self, but ofter years of masturbating to porn or female external memories, i don’t even know how to get an erection with out external factors,

i mean, i don’t have any physiological problem i get erections quite easily if i see a picture or a video, or when i just wake up, but how can i get an erection and arousal without the fantasy?

is there a way to connect with this, to have an erection and feeling arousal go up with out thinking of women?
as i mentioned i have never had an erection by will with out thinking of a woman or video or memory.
-Guille

My Response:

Why is it so hard for us to get aroused without porn?

To fully understand this, we must first look at how porn alters the brain, quite powerfully, and how this happens slowly overtime.

“Today an Internet user or adult-store patron can encounter more nubile virtual females (or whatever gets him going) in a few minutes than a hunter-gatherer would have met in his entire lifetime.

We hear a lot about how the human brain is not equipped to handle “information overload”, today’s erotic stimuli often constitute “reward circuitry overload”. Our nervous system may simply not be designed to handle this…”

As psychiatrist Norman Doidge recounts in the The Brain that Changes Itself, ‘adults have no sense to the extent to which pornography reshapes their brain. His patients report increase difficulty in being turned on by their actual sexual partners, spouses or girlfriends all though they still consider them objectively attractive.’

‘Pornographers promise healthy pleasure and relief from sexual tension but what they often deliver is addiction and tolerance [which is the need for more extreme stimulation and an eventual decrease in pleasure]. Paradoxically the patients I work with often crave pornography but don’t like it.” -Norman Doidge, psychiatrist
Marnia Robinson – Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmon in Sexual Relationships

Why does this happen?

Why does porn cause us to lose our sensation and feeling of pleasure?

For one thing, the more you use it, the more you need to step it up.  Many guys say they constantly need more extreme types of porn just to get turned on.

As we use porn, our brain becomes more tolerant of it; just like using drugs or alcohol where we need to drink more or take more just to get the same effect.

It’s the same with porn since the same dynamic happens in the brain.

We continually step up the stimulation from porn because we’re addicted to the sexual “shock” that it provides to our brain.

As we use porn everyday for many years, we shape our brain in a way that cuts off sensation from our body.

We cut off our connection to the physical world and instead go to the mental world.

We deny our physical reality and attempt to live in a mental fantasy.

Porn addiction is a psychological addiction…it’s being addicted to the fantasy (pretending that we’re having sex with a super hot woman) and the short burst of good-feelings that come from orgasm.

Years of porn use disconnects the neurological wiring from the brain to the body (this is especially true with our brain’s connection to our genitals).

Why?

If we escape physical reality and go into the mental fantasy of porn, then why do we need a physical penis?

When we live in a porn-induced fantasy, the penetration and all the sexual activity is provided by the images on the screen, so the brain says “Ok, we don’t need our physical genitals to have sex, the video takes care of that.  We only need to think about sex, not actually have it.”

By watching porn, our brain receives the message that physical sex is NOT important, so it reduces the neuro-wiring associated with physical sex, while relying TOO MUCH on the mental aspect of sex (everything visual).

This’s why porn leads to so many sexual dys-functions and nerve-ousness with women; we get an overactive mind and an underactive body.

As we use porn day in and day out for many many years, our body becomes less responsive to touch; it becomes less responsive to things in the physical world.

When we live in our head, food doesn’t taste as good, we can’t hear the sounds of nature or appreciate it fully, we can’t feel our body, and lose touch with the environment around us; we get cut off from reality…we go numb.

Essentially, we go numb to dull the pain of being by ourself, of being alone.

The root of it all is a fear of being alone, a fear of being unattractive, and a fear of being unlovable.

Our brain reflects these fears by disconnecting the input from the environment (so we don’t have to face them).

“By the time we are a normal adult, there is nothing we fear more than our authentic emotional state- our suppressed fear, anger, and grief.  We say and do anything to sedate and control these out of our awareness.”
Michael Brown – Alchemy of the Heart

We must reconnect our brain to our body.

We must reconnect our brain to the physical environment, get grounded, and be brought back to reality.

How?

We must gradually relinquish using the image of a woman when we sexually stimulate ourselves.

Any time we use the image of a woman to get turned on or to masturbate to, we choose to live in an illusion rather than being present.

We must release the image of women while simultaneously releasing porn.

We follow it up with Heart Talk to recondition our brain, which then opens the door for a new type of sexual experience, a new type of sexual practice to replace porn.

The sexual process is ritual; a habit that we do continually that holds meaning and importance in our life.  In order to change the sexual process, we must create a new ritual.

To learn how to create a masturbation ritual that boost sexual stamina and improves performance, check out Sexual Mind Mastery: How to Condition Your Mind to Attract Women, Initiate Sex, & Perform in the Bedroom with Maximum Confidence, Power, & Stamina

How to Create a Masturbation Ritual that Improves Sexual Performance

If you had a beautiful women staying with you tonight, and you knew you’d be getting sexual with her, what would you do?

How would you set up the environment?

What things would you say?

Chances are you might dim the lights, set up a comfortable bed, play soft music, light candles, and so on.

When you both got on the bed, you might start slowly, build the intimacy through breathing with her, start with gentle foreplay to warm her up, maybe whisper sexy thoughts into her ear, and so on.

To become a better lover, we must create a ritual to we practice that scenario with ourself.

We practice what we want to have happen with a woman, but we practice it with ourself using our body (instead of our mind) so that it prepares our nervous system to receive this type of experience.

We set up the environment as if a woman’s coming over, we set up soft music, we take it slowly with ourself, and so on.

The whole time we initiate this sexual experience with ourself, we maintain our level of focus on the body, on the sensations, on the things that are happening in the moment, on our hand, our touch, our smell, our fingers, everything like that.

We focus on the environment and avoid mentally imagining women or imagining anything. This reconnects the brain to the rest of our body. We’re telling our brain “Hey! We’re coming back to the real world so get ready.”

The brain reacts by restoring all those neuro-pathways and grows more receptors to receive information from the senses of the body.

“When we live in a time-based paradigm, we do not reside in our physical body. In fact, many of our behaviors are motivated by a desire to get out of our physical body. Getting out of it is a reaction to our ongoing anxiety- a word containing the phrase ‘any exit.’ All behaviors of sedation and control are intended to assist us to depart the physical by scampering into the mental.
We may assume we live within the physical body because it dutifully tags along everywhere with us, yet this is not so. In any given moment, we are wherever our attention is focused.”
Michael Brown – Alchemy of the Heart

When you start it’ll probably be a big challenge to turn yourself on without the image of a woman since your brain is so trained in that direction.

It just takes practice; we have to restore those connections and gradually release our addiction to the image of women (which is really just our unconscious infantile need for “mommy” projected onto sexy women…I know, crazy right?).

As we restore these neural connections, we get our sensations back, we reduce the numbing and we restore our ability to feel.

We restore the connection between our brain and genitals.

“As we allow ourselves to begin feeling the energetic states we have so long suppressed and sedated- the many feelings that have been an unconscious part of our experience- we gradually reawaken emotional body awareness, together with the vast parameters of felt-perception.

We then begin to real eyes that every aspect of our emotional body that has been consciously or unconsciously suppressed from our awareness numbs our capacity to feel our moment-to-moment life experience…
Without a capacity to feel, the full vibrancy of the life in which we are always immersed is unfelt by us….Consequently, the Kingdom of Life is veiled in numbness and appears to us as lifeless boredom.”
Michael Brown – Alchemy of the Heart

As we practice this type of self loving, we repair our brain and nervous system so that when we DO interact with a woman, all the circuitry is in place; we have all the wiring to receive and enjoy the sexual experience with her, instead of being lost in our head.

We don’t go numb.

Instead, we stay with her in the moment, in our body, enjoying every second…it’s much more fun and, really, it’s the way to live.

“There is a way to touch a woman that takes from her like a thief who steals her soft beauty, and there is a way to touch a woman that gives to her, changing her body into a treasure for her to cherish.”
Douglas Abrams – The Lost Diary of Don Juan

It all starts with our attitudes, beliefs, and habits towards ourself. We must develop a strong sense of self WITHOUT women.

We must practice strong self-love on a regular basis in combination with this new type of sexual ritual.

If you’ve been using porn to stimulate yourself every day for 10 years and you suddenly want to stop it instantly and do this technique, it’s going to be a big challenge, so go progressively.

If you’re using video to pleasure yourself, go to pictures; if you’re using pictures go to memories and so on.

Do it gradually and be easy on yourself.

This process takes time.

If you’ve been drinking a 6-pack of beer every day for 10 years and you suddenly expect to stop drinking beer the next day, it’s going to be a big challenge. It’s much easier to go to 5 beers for a while, then 4 beers, and work your way down.

It’s the same with this; reduce the use of porn, reduce the intensity of the stimulation, and at the same time do the new practices of self-love to replace the old habits.

You don’t have to get it all at once.

Enjoy it. This process restores your sanity, helps you come back to reality, repairs your brain, and greatly enhances your sensation of sexual pleasure.




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One Comment

  1. Thanks Ryan,

    I am very attractive, loving, caring, INFP personality, but I have had countless bad sexual experiences followed by endless rejection. I am sure this is the key to my happiness. I am currently sexually frustrated and confused. I was into the taoist teachings with the “million dollar spot” but I am sure loving myself is the answer. Thanks youuu.
    ~Lee

    Posted November 28, 2010 at 7:40 pm | Permalink

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