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How to Get Control Over Your Sexual Urges

In this training, you’ll learn how to gain control over sexual cravings that come up when you see a beautiful woman.  Often times we feel extreme desire and, at the same time, frustration because we cannot act on that desire or believe that acting on it would be wrong.

You will also learn why making something “forbidden” or “wrong” sets us up to be powerless and can lead to an addictive cycle.

Read below:

Question:

I have a girlfriend and I am trying to be a good boyfriend but despite how hard I try not to, I still find myself staring at other women. I feel powerless. Is there anyway I could be unfazed by some other woman’s looks. I know looks shouldn’t matter but I just can’t resist.

-Nick Papagorgio

My Response:

This issue comes down to how we relate to our sexual urges and instincts; if we don’t get a handle on them and learn to integrate them into our life, it can cause a lot of problems.

As for the question “how can I not look at other women?” That’s physically impossible because other women are going to be walking around you for the rest of your life.

What I think what you mean is “how can I not feel pulled towards other women sexually.”

This is one of those questions that women ask that, no matter how you answer it, the question itself sets you up to be screwed.

It’s just like the question “do I look fat in these jeans?”  Anything you say can be used against you in ways that you hadn’t even imagined, lol.

My ex would ask me, “should I get implants?” If I say yes, then she will get insecure about her breasts, if I say no then she will think I am lying and become distrustful towards me.

The best thing to do when a woman asks you these types of questions is to answer it with a question; answer her question with a different question.

For example, “why do you need to look at other women?” You say, “should I be looking at men?” I would just make a joke out of it and have fun with it…though this depends on your relationship.

If it’s more of a serious problem in your relationship, then it’s best to go to the root of it.

With women, it always comes down to not getting caught up in the actual question but addressing what it means…to them.

If she feels upset when you look at other women, what does that mean to her?

Maybe it means that you don’t love her, or that she’s no longer sexually attractive, and you can answer her complaining by addressing one of those issues.

Always ask yourself, “what does it mean to her?” and answer it that way.

As far as seeing women and feeling your sexual energy being pulled towards them and feeling powerless to stop that process; that’s a different issue.

It all comes back to how we hold women in our mind and seeing them as the gateway to our sexual pleasure.

Anytime we masturbate to images of women, we’re putting them on a pedestal and training ourselves to give away our power to them.

After we practice this enough, as soon as an attractive woman walks by, we instantly give away our power to them…(and often times we feel rejected if the woman doesn’t take it).

Eventually we lose control over our sexual energy, and our urge just takes over.

We feel very frustrated since a part of us is saying “control yourself” but another part of us is saying “I want sex, I want her,” or “I want to get to know her”…”but I can’t,” that’s the feeling.

It’s a dynamic of wanting something and believing that we can’t have it, which leads to frustration.
How do we escape this?

Anytime we get sexual by ourself, we release the images of women as much as we can until we’re just fully with ourself and fully experiencing our body in the moment, without any mental fantasies.

By doing that, we’ll immediately regain our sexual confidence and begin to close up the sexual energy leakage that happens when we see an attractive women.

Learn a simple technique to use your sexual urges to attract women, check out Sexual Mind Mastery: How to Condition Your Mind to Attract Women, Initiate Sex, & Perform in the Bedroom with Maximum Confidence, Power, & Stamina

Secondly, we must dissolve the emotional neediness as much as possible using the Releasing Technique discussed in earlier trainings.

Every time we feel neediness coming up, like if we see a hot women walk by and we think, “oh yeah I want to *$*&% her”, and you feel the frustration and inner conflict of, “oh no I shouldn’t,” or “she would never like me”…do the releasing technique.

Go sit down, close your eyes, get in a comfortable position and just go straight to feeling that sensation, that urge.

Focus on exactly what you’re experiencing and let go of all resistance; stop fighting it, stop trying to control it and just let it be.

By holding this resistance-free focus, you allow the stuck energy (that’s creating that sexual urge) to dissipate into the rest of our body.

As it dissipates, the frustrations disappears, you relax into your power, and your confidence is boosted.

It’s like holding a magnifying glass over a leaf and letting the sun’s rays shine through until it heats up the leaf and burns it away.

Our mind is like the sun while our focus is like the magnifying glass; we simply point it to whatever impulses or emotions are bothering us and burn them away.

In order to transcend any addiction, we simply feel the urge or the impulse that’s driving that addiction until it dissolves.

The key to moving beyond cravings and urges, especially sexual urges, is acceptance.

In addiction, there’s always a part of us trying to stop the behavior and another part of us that craves it. It’s like an inner parent and inner child fighting with each other.

If we want to get power over any addiction, we must accept the urge for what it is; we accept that we’re experiencing these impulses and feelings, such as, “I’m looking at women, I feel sexually attracted to them and that’s just what’s happening right now. I’m ok”.

Any time we encounter something forbidden, off limits, or not allowed, we actually set ourselves up for addiction because our brain gets a hit of dopamine anytime we do something “dangerous.”

It gives us a rush in the moment where we think, “Ooo, I’m doing something bad”.

This fuels the addictive cycle because we then say “oh no I shouldn’t have done that”, and feel guilty and regretful and then we feel so bad that we want another rush of dopamine and the whole cycle starts over.

If we want to get addicted to something, we simply forbid ourself from experiencing it and make it bad and wrong and we’ll be locked into the addictive cycle.

On the other hand, if we accept it and make it not such a big deal, we won’t fall into that trap of getting stuck in the negative brain chemistry created by dopamine highs and lows.

I’ve released many addictions this way, like alcohol for example.

I let myself fully experience getting completely wasted and eventually I came to a point where I just let it go completely and now I don’t miss it.

That’s when we’ve truly overcome an addiction; we don’t feel the pull anymore, you don’t feel the craving, we don’t even think about it.

When we release all resistance to an addiction, it disappears.

Any time we resist something, the resistance holds the addiction in-place.

This explains why so many people have addictions around sex including porn and crazy fetishes. Society (teachers, parents, religions, etc) sets up addictive cycles by restricting and controlling sex and making it wrong, forbidden, bad and sinful…when in reality, it’s just part of nature.

Acceptance and releasing resistance is the way to transcend it. As you do this process, you’ll embody the sexual energy that comes up disguised as urges.

When you accept it, you transform it into a higher form; you transform it into a drive to succeed, a drive to work, a drive to create, and you integrate it into your life (instead of keeping it hidden and secret).

EFT works great too; any technique to get back into acceptance of the issue helps.

Be easy on yourself, don’t be too hard. Wherever you are is fine, just continually bring yourself to greater self-acceptance and you’ll have it in no time.




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One Comment

  1. Johannes

    God, I have been struggling with this for a while…
    I have managed to figure out some part of the solution myself through meditation (releasing the resistence and allowing the feeling to be without putting any inner blockages in its way) but I was still not accepting the situation consciously.

    I’ll put these things to practice as soon as I can.

    Recently I have awakened to the power of acceptance (how profound transformations can it allow) and I think it would be great if you had done one video on the power of acceptance.

    Posted August 25, 2010 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

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